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How Never to handle bad breath

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We’ve all been there. You round the corner to your cubical ready to start the day’s work while you are suddenly accosted by the familiar stench of a co-worker’s bad breath.

“Here we go again…”, you imagine. “Another ‘H’-filled tirade that wont ever permeate my ears because I’m too busy trying to keep it from permeating my nose.”


“So anywahhhhy,” continues your co-worker, “Hhhhank Hhhhenshhhhaaw from Hhhhuman Reshhhhourcess explained ouhhhhhr 401k plahhhhn is an outstahhhhnding invehhhhhstment optiohhhhhn…”

Somehow, we’d like to believe that our forced smile and wilting eyelashes might tell the offending party that there surely is something less than stellar concerning the way they are coming across. Unfortunately, that’s simply wishful thinking. The problem is that no one knows they have a problem. We seem to be immune to our own stench, and unlike Willy Nelson’s muse, it’s never on our minds.

So how do you tell someone that their breathe is causing you to have a problem differentiating their head from their derriere? Sure, whether it’s someone you know and are comfortable with, you can test honesty. Still, even honesty has it’s own set of problems. Can you play it off like it is a one-time occurrence you merely noticed and hope that mentioning it requires care of the situation once and for all? Do you sit them down and also have a serious discussion that could ultimately embarrass them or cause you to appear to be the bad person? How will they react to either scenario? You’d desire to be told in the event that you had bad breath, wouldn’t you? Would you feel safe being told by this person that you have bad breath? You don’t know them well enough to be discussing this situation with them?

They are all important questions whose answers will change with each unique situation. Still, there are a few things you can avoid saying which are universal across all situations. I have taken the liberty of listing those hateful pounds below. Remember, honesty is a good policy, but brutal honesty is frequently unnecessary.

# 1 Gee, is that your breath or did I blow my nose immediately after wiping my ass?

# 2 And today here’s me with the elements: Thanks, me! Well it looks like there’s a stank front moving due east from wherever your mouth happens to be. We’re looking at a 100% chance of Halitosis throughout the rest you will ever have. https://koukuunai.zoku-sei.com/ is next followed by today�s lottery numbers. Stay Tuned!

# 3 I don’t mean to be rude however your horrible breath is melting my face. To have to stand here and pay attention to you is agonizingly painful. Hey, you ever see that “Alien” movie where in fact the alien is sucking in Sigourney Weaver’s face and she just cringes as the thing is indeed scary and because it’s saliva is an acid that may eat through metal? This can be a lot like that because even though your saliva won’t eat through metal, I’m fairly certain your mouth-stench will which is scaring the crap outta me, my friend. Again, I don’t mean to be rude…

This is why, dear reader, one must choose carefully when approaching a subject this sensitive. Perhaps honesty is not always the best policy. Better yet, why not just leave an anonymous note…and a breath mint.

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